Empty Fulfilment
by Artemisdesari
Summary: Tag to 5.14 and all spoilers within. Castiel talks to Dean after the episode ends. Dean/Cas


_Another tag from me, and the episode... best yet I think, but that might be because I laughed and I cried._

_**Disclaimer:** Still not mine, probably never will be, besides, if it were mine, Cas wouldn't have hungered for _that_ kind of meat, it would have been something else entirely_

Empty Fulfilment.

Dean knows that Castiel will have heard Famine's words to him, he knows it because even though the angel was completely fixated on the raw meat Famine had given him, he is neither deaf nor stupid. The words hang between them as they listen to Sam scream, as Dean tries to drown the hollow pain that Famine brought him under an increasing amount of alcohol. He does not even feel the buzz of it anymore.

He goes out to get air as much to get away from Castiel's compassionate stare as much as he does from Sam's screaming. He can still hear his brother even out next to the Impala and it reminds him of the cold feeling that Famine filled him with.

When he asks for help, he is not even sure who he is asking it of, whether it is the angels, or Cas or _God_, just that he needs it, because he is falling apart, alive and yet soulless, dead inside and he always knew that the angels did not put him back together right. He takes a shuddering breath as he tries to get himself back under control, tries to bring the emotions that are rolling and boiling inside him back into that far away place that he had been able to keep them in the last few days.

"Famine was wrong, Dean," there is no mistaking the gravel in Castiel's tone, the way that his voice seems to rasp more with the depth of emotion he is obviously still feeling the after effects of.

"Shouldn't you be with Sam?" Dean asks, because he cannot quite face the sound of his brother's voice, does not want to have to look at his angel when he feels like he has failed so badly and that maybe, just maybe, he should stop living this lie and say 'yes' to Michael.

"Sam is safe where he is," Castiel comes closer, getting into Dean's personal space again and even though he feels a jolt of something in him react, just like he does every time, he cannot bring himself to care. "It's _you_ I am concerned about."

"I don't _want_ your concern," he growls and he knows it is a lie because something on the edge of his awareness warms a little at the edge in Castiel's eyes, the defiance there.

"Well that's too bad," the intensity in the angel's voice almost makes Dean want to crawl away and he licks his lips nervously. "You are going to shut up, and you're going to listen to me." Dean does not have a ready answer to that, does not have a joke that he can make or a smart line to throw the attention off, so he averts his eyes and stays silent.

"Famine was _wrong_," Castiel says again, moving around so that he can catch Dean's gaze. "There _is_ something you hunger for."

"And I suppose you know what that is," he snaps.

"You don't want to _feel_. You don't want to feel the guilt, the hunger, the need. Your greatest desire isn't love, you don't want to be _human_," Dean shudders at how clearly Castiel has seen through him, at how easily he has noticed all the little clues in the hunter's behaviour since he was pulled from Hell. "You hungered for emptiness and that was what you gave yourself."

"Cas..." and he cannot think of anything to say, cannot think of a response because the angel is right, Dean does not want to feel any more. He does not want the guilt, the hunger, the need for alcohol to try and chase away the numbness, the desire for his friend that he has no business in feeling.

Then Castiel's hand is on his chest and lips caressing his softly as fingers curl into fabric over the tattoo against possession. The hunter cannot help but respond, desperate for the emotion that washes through him, the feeling of being loved and wanted.

"There is nothing wrong with _feeling_, Dean," he whispers, pressing their lips together again, "as long as you remember that not all emotions are the horrors you inflict upon yourself." The softness of Castiel's lips is not enough to completely convince Dean, even the warmth and the need that floods through him cannot banish all of the darkness and all of the doubts that Famine has put voice to, it is enough for tonight, enough to calm his turmoil for the moment and that will have to suffice.

_Artemis_


End file.
